Our founder, Christina Wing, joined Nicole Kalil on This Is Woman’s Work to talk about Unspeakable. Nicole’s show is built around putting words on the things that matter, especially when they’re uncomfortable, so it was a natural fit. These are the parts that stuck with us.
Avoiding a topic doesn’t make it go away
Christina put it simply: “avoidance doesn’t make the problem go away. It just doesn’t give you a voice in solving it.” The decision still gets made, just without you. Usually we’re still talking about it, only to friends who agree with us and wind us up even more. Her rule of thumb: “if you’re talking about something repetitively to others, you better initiate the real conversation.”
Money isn’t worth
Nicole asked about friends with different budgets: the dinner out, the group trip. Christina’s starting point is that the money we earn isn’t our personal worth. Once you let go of that, it’s easier to just say, “I love that you can go to Hawaii. We can’t afford that right now.” Then offer something you can do. For people doing the planning, she suggests confirming the dates first, then the purpose of getting together, and only then the budget. As she said, “inclusivity is not about money.”
Asking for more
Whether it’s a raise or more responsibility, Christina says to be specific and tie the ask to what you bring to the business. Something like: “I’ve loved my job. I want to continue to grow. I’d like more P&L responsibility. How do I get on that path?” If the answer is not yet, ask how your success will be measured. Timing matters too. If your company sets bonuses and salaries in December, start the conversation in September.
Start with a shared goal
When is it your place to say something? Christina’s answer is that a difficult conversation needs a common goal. If you can’t see one, keep an eye on things and hold off for now. When you do speak up, start with empathy and your own experience. Our mistakes are what help us see patterns in the people we love, and if we don’t share them, we set everyone up to repeat them. If someone isn’t ready to talk, don’t give up. You’ve already shown you care just by asking. Suggest another time: “great, how about the next Tuesday?”
About the dishwasher
Not every difficult conversation is a big one. Christina’s husband thinks she loads the dishwasher “like a blind raccoon,” and they’ve learned to laugh about it. Her bigger point is that small irritations are often standing in for something else. When she starts typing out a complaint to a friend, she sometimes realizes, “I’m actually not really mad that this happened. I’m mad at something much bigger.” Separating the two tells you which conversation you actually need to have.
The two biggest mistakes
First, assuming you already know what the other person will say, so you’re not really listening. Second, waiting too long. “Everybody waits too long.”
What we should be talking about sooner
Nicole closed by asking Christina what topic women really need to start talking about sooner, beyond the ones they’d already covered. Christina’s answer was estate planning. Too many women don’t know what their family’s estate plans look like, or even whether their partner wants to be buried or cremated. Christina lost her father too early and didn’t know what he would have wanted. She also suggested recording a short video for your family so they hear your wishes from you, not from a lawyer.
Why this matters to us
We see this with the families and leadership teams we work with. The ones who talk openly about money, roles, and the future before they have to are in a much stronger position when it counts.
Nicole closed with a line we loved: say the thing, “not recklessly, not cruelly, but clearly, honestly.”
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Listen to the full conversation in episode 444 of This Is Woman’s Work on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube, and learn more about Unspeakable at christinawing.com/book.
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