Why Clarity Is Essential to Working with Family
Family enterprises are often described as having a built-in advantage: trust, shared values, and a long-term commitment to one another. And that’s true. But those same qualities can also make working together far more complicated than many families expect.
The reality is this: being good family members does not automatically make people good business partners. Families that thrive across generations don’t rely on goodwill alone. They build the skills, structures, and habits that allow relatives to work together productively, without putting relationships at risk.
The difference between families that struggle and those that succeed usually comes down to one thing: clarity.
Clarity isn’t just about who does what. It also requires alignment around why the family is in business together in the first place; shared goals, values, and a vision for what success looks like over time. When families lack that shared understanding, even well-intentioned decisions can pull people in different directions.
When Families Don’t Work Well Together
In families that struggle, problems most often take root in ambiguity about roles, authority, priorities, and how concerns should be raised.
Consider siblings who both work in the business, each leading a different division. One oversees operations, the other runs sales. On paper, their roles are distinct. In practice, they blur.
When operational issues begin affecting key customers, the sibling in sales starts weighing in on staffing decisions and process changes. They join meetings they don’t own, follow up directly with team members outside their division, and frame their involvement as “helping.”
The sibling running operations experiences this as interference. Their team becomes confused about whose direction to follow. Resentment starts to build but it goes unspoken. Raising the issue feels risky, because the conflict doesn’t feel purely professional. After all, they’re family.
In some families, these unresolved tensions don’t just affect the business. Over time, they harden into personal fractures. Siblings stop trusting one another. Communication shuts down. In the most extreme cases, business conflict becomes the reason family members no longer speak at all.
Or consider a founder who still runs the business and brings an adult child into a leadership role. The intention is to develop the next generation, but expectations are left vague. The Rising Gen has a title, but no clear job description, performance metrics, or evaluation process.
Unlike their peers, they aren’t subject to regular reviews or objective feedback. Over time, they begin to question whether they’re actually succeeding or simply being protected. Some grow hesitant to speak up or take risks. Others quietly wonder whether they would be better off building credibility outside the family business.
When these dynamics go unaddressed, families often experience some combination of the following:
- Feedback is avoided or feels personal instead of professional
- Authority and accountability become unclear
- Issues spill from the office into family life
- Small tensions compound into lasting fractures
Ironically, families often tolerate these patterns longer than they would in a non-family business, precisely because the relationships matter so much.
What Changes When Families Work Well Together
Families who work well together don’t eliminate tension. They accept that it’s inevitable and build ways to address it early and constructively.
They start with shared purpose. Families align around a common mission and vision for both the business and the family, creating a reference point for decision-making and a reminder that everyone is ultimately working toward the same goal.
Role clarity is paired with clear mechanisms for raising concerns. If a sibling feels another is stepping into their area, there is an agreed-upon way to surface that issue – through a manager, a peer conversation framework, or a governance forum – without turning it into a personal confrontation.
Decision rights are documented, not assumed. Cross-functional input is encouraged, but it follows clear rules about who owns decisions and how disagreements are resolved. This allows collaboration without confusion.
The same is true across generations. When Rising Gens are given clear expectations, defined success metrics, and regular feedback – often through non-family managers – they gain something invaluable: credibility. Non-family employees see fairness. Rising Gens see a future they can grow into.
Just as importantly, difficult conversations are expected, not avoided. Families normalize addressing issues directly, while they are still manageable, rather than letting resentment and frustration build quietly over time. Avoiding hard conversations may feel protective in the moment, but it often causes far more damage than having them thoughtfully and early.
What Successful Families Do Differently
Families that work well together tend to share a few core practices:
- They align around a shared mission and vision – A common understanding of purpose helps guide decisions and keeps disagreements focused on goals, not personalities.
- They separate roles, not relationships – Clear roles and decision rights protect both the business and family relationships.
- They create permission, and pathways, for difficult conversations – Issues can be raised early, professionally, and without fear of personal fallout.
- They rely on agreed-upon policies and processes when emotions run high – Shared policies and decision-making processes provide neutral ground when conversations get difficult.
- They commit to merit, not entitlement – Clear standards preserve trust with employees and credibility with the Rising Gen.
Clarity Is a Form of Care
At this point, some families may feel tempted to dismiss this as a call for “more governance” or unnecessary formality. But clarity doesn’t mean bureaucracy.
At Wingspan, we often talk about proactively putting policies in place before it’s personal; not to control behavior, but to protect relationships. When expectations, decision rights, and shared goals are clear ahead of time, difficult conversations can stay professional instead of becoming personal flashpoints.
Clarity reduces misunderstandings. It gives people permission to speak up. And it allows families to address issues as they arise, rather than after trust has already eroded. Families that work well together understand that governance isn’t about being strict or corporate. It’s about care. By making expectations explicit today, they preserve both the business and the family for generations to come.
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This piece was written in collaboration with Madeline Tolsdorf.
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